04 Jun

Many relationships are workable and enjoyable for as long as the couple stays apart or visit each other from time to time. Interestingly when the couple join their lives permanently in marriage, all hell breaks loose. In some cases the marriage lasts for a few months, while others go for at least a few years before total collapse.

This is very concerning as this pattern instil fear to many people. Fear to commit to a long relationship and fear to marry. So we have many single women and men who are successful in other areas of their lives except relationships. If they are lucky to find a "good " partner, the minute they get married they no longer enjoy each other.

I am sure you have witnessed similar situations when a couple would fight like a cat and dog, as if they have never loved each other before. In my home language there is a saying that goes " Balwi ke baratani" which literally means there is a thin line between love and hatred; people who fight a lot in most cases love each other very much.

So, what is it about living together that makes a relationship crack up?

I believe that lack of Self-Mastery is the reason why these kind of situations prevail. The question is what is self-mastery?According to Collins English Dictionary, Self-Mastery is " The ability to take control of one's life without being blown off course by feelings, urges or circumstances. It is that condition whereby your body is your servant not your master "

When two people start to live together a lot of self discovery takes place, in the sense that one learns about themselves i.e their temperaments, capabilities and hidden feelings when provoked by their spouse. Hence you hear a person saying....." I did not know that I was capable of such and such until he/she did this and that". It shows that there is a self-mastery deficiency.

Again, there is a saying that..." Familiarity breeds contempt". So, when two people live permanently with each other they become too familiar with each other to a point that they begin to lose respect for one another after discovering the other person's weaknesses. However, they fail to realise that their partner's weaknesses is a reflection of their own strength.

I am saying this because the fact that you see another person's weakness it means that you regard yourself as strong in that particular area. And if you are strong, then you have mastered that area of your life to a point that you can fill the gap and carry your partner along.

So, Self-Mastery means that a person is in touch with their strengths and weaknesses to an extent that they are not perplexed, frustrated or confused by external circumstances leading them to act unbecomingly. In order to work towards a common vision in marriage or relationships, it is important to work through those weaknesses and habits on a personal level thus leading to self mastery.

Failure to do so expose the relationship to intolerances which begin to weigh heavily on the partner. Now the key is to work on self improvement in those areas of need. You cannot give what you do not have, and a relationship is about giving of self and adding value in someone else's life.       

Build yourself up and develop self -worth, in that way you build value and have much to give. Self-Mastery is a continuous process covering a few aspects of a person's life i.e Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, Financial, Social and Intellectual.

Every person needs to achieve some level of self mastery in each of the aforementioned areas. Physical growth is automatic to everyone but we all need to be taught or instructed on how to grow in the other areas. It is for that reason that no man is an island. Partnering and networking with those that have succeeded in those areas is a necessity.

For example, partnering with The Six Figure Mentors helped me to master the art of building wealth through digital online marketing. 

In Conclusion.... I am convinced that Self-Mastery, sits at the core of successful relationships. Anyone who is deficient in self-mastery pertaining to any area of their life, become a burden to their partner in that regard.